Minneapolis

Art from a post by Patrick Lindsey.

I am downright relieved that in the icily troublesome city of Minneapolis, responsible law enforcement officers of US Border Patrol were able to neutralize yet another agent of compassion. They ‘took out’ a potential terrorist funded by likely Russia or perhaps Venezuela, who was solely interested in sowing discord amongst our normally docile citizenry. Remember this name: Alex Pretti. The man was clearly WAY too compassionate for any self-respecting hombre in the USA. He was, after all, a male nurse. This crazed ‘empathy terrorist’ was determined to help a woman who had been shoved to the icy ground by a decent and God-fearing Border Patrol agent. The masked agent was only there to purge our nation of the immigrant criminals who have been recently flooding our shores. The shoved woman ‘helped’ by Mr Pretti was also obviously dangerous – why else would the officer have shoved her? She had the audacity to continue slipping around on the ice after having been righteously attacked by an angry masked man. Imagine if this disobedient woman had been at the wheels of a car! She would have undoubtedly used such a murder weapon to run down ICE agents, which would have required shooting her, as happened recently with Renee Nicole Good. Mr. Pretti’s senseless spasm of compassion towards this and another woman transformed him into a clear and present danger, whom the officers were justified in eliminating to avoid getting scratched, perhaps, or slipping on the ice themselves.

Let’s get real. Mr. Pretti should have known better than to ’heroically’ place his body between the fists of our responsible Border Patrol agent and the deeply subversive hooded woman being shoved around. The threat to law enforcement agents in this literally slippery situation was especially pointed given that the bearded woman-helper Pretti was armed with some kind of concealed weapon. Concealed (or openly-brandished) weapons are allowed ONLY for confused Trump-supporting teenagers assisting the police as they suppress lawless Negro insurrections, i.e., our national hero Kyle Rittenhouse. We await further clarification on this issue from the National Rifle Association, who famously and judiciously refused to support ‘open carry’ excuses for obvious terrorists like the Black Panthers.

Mr. Pretti and his ilk in Minneapolis and around the country are misguided: the sketchy foreigners that they have been ‘observing’ are obviously hidden Maduro-linked sleeper cells, if not active members of Tren de Aragua. Currently these unwanted aliens are chafing at the bit to unleash chaos inside the US to free their beloved mustachioed narco-communist Presidente, who was recently ‘detained’ by our Great Leader in order to protect our shores from being flooded with cocaine, fentanyl and Communist propaganda. We can be certain that both Hamas and Vladimir Putin are also somehow involved in this nefarious Latin American plan to weaken and divide the USA. We can back up all of these claims by asserting that many of these migrants wear some pretty creepy tattoos. Don’t worry, Latino-style tattoos, like freedom of thought, will soon be made illegal by Trump / NSA / ICE/ the Powers that Be -- on pain of immediate execution by timid, trigger-happy ICE agents yearning for the ‘safe spaces’ behind their guns. We started out bombing speed boats in the Caribbean, but as tends to happen, the Empire’s weapons are now turning back inwards towards the homeland, to protect us from just a little too much freedom. Don’t you feel safe now?

Ignored by the liberal media in Minneapolis is the extreme degree of risk to which those heroic 6 to 8 law enforcement officers were subjected as they forced this terrifying male nurse down on his knees on the icy ground. Mr Pretti had a weapon! True, he wasn’t brandishing it threateningly in the faces of other humans in the style of Kyle Rittenhouse or Israeli settlers. Nevertheless, we know that he planned to use this concealed weapon to massacre law enforcement agents, as has been solemnly asserted to us by no less a figure than empty-eyed Trump loyalist Stephen Miller. Fortunately for every human being on that street in Minneapolis, one of the officers managed to confiscate the offending weapon before Mr. Pretti could use it to spray gunfire into the mass of the officers and probably hit bystanders as well. Even without his weapon, Pretti clearly represented a terrifying mortal threat to the 6 to 8 masked vigilantes, er, paramilitaries, er, I mean law enforcement agents struggling so valiantly to keep him pinned faced down in the snow. Maybe if there had been 20 officers manhandling Pretti they may have felt a little safer. Even when swarmed by these 6 to 8 officers and forced onto his knees, this woman-helping monster was clearly ready to go all jihad on them. Might the deceptively hippy-ish do-gooder even have wielded a concealed knife, or a bazooka? How could the officers have known for sure? If they had failed to act decisively by shooting Mr Pretti repeatedly in the back as he crouched beneath them, they could all have died. The lesson we have learned here is that it is always better to shoot first and ask questions later, which coincides nicely with US foreign policy over the past decades or centuries.

It did not help the officers that this troublesome male nurse was neither black nor Hispanic, nor, ideally, Muslim, which would have helped them construct their usual comforting victim-blaming narrative. Renee Nicole Good, although white as well, at least had the decency of being a lesbian, which we suppose made her extra scary to her burly and paranoid masked murderer. Despite Mr. Pretti’s inconvenient Caucasian aspect, though, he was, like Ms Good, clearly a compassionate human being, which is terribly suspect in this day and age when the High School Bullies in power always seem to win.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to the 6 to 8 brave Border Patrol agents who so nearly lost their lives pinning down this potential terrorist cop-killer disguised so unconvincingly as a bearded granola activist. These heroic men deserve our sympathy, as they will no doubt be haunted forever by their memory of overpowering and then gunning down a helpless man as he struggled to aid a fellow protestor. The loss of Mr. Pretti, though tragic, flowed naturally from his misguided actions. We therefore strongly advise the citizenry to avoid doing foolhardy things like offering a hand to help a lady stand up when she is being shoved into the ice by terrifying masked government goons, er, sorry, freedom warriors.

Cleve Hicks

Warsaw, January 26, 2026

PS. By the way, I was thinking of going to a protest tomorrow and assert my rights as a citizen, but I have been sufficiently intimidated by the heroic display of frontier justice in Minneapolis. Instead, I will stay home and play some Nintendo and try to forget that our corrupt Imperial managers are burning down the world around us.

Or perhaps we should do something about it?